Tuesday, August 23, 2011


In case you don't know, today is my 8 year wedding anniversary.  8 Years ago today I committed to love a man for the rest of my life.  On days like today I reflect upon my life and things that have happened.  I'm so glad to have made the choice to spend my life with my amazing husband.  And though we are apart for this special day, I still decided to celebrate!  How, you ask?

Why what does anyone do on their anniversary?  I went dancing.  OK, so maybe not, but I did go to Zumba!  The Zumba instructor at my gym is amazing!  It could be I think this because she is also a dear friend, but that's beside the point!  She is great!  It cheered me up and reminded me of all the things to be happy about right now.  I threw everything I had into my workout today!  I danced my butt off.  No low impact version for me!  I am already dying!  My legs are having muscle spasms!  My arms are like cement blocks!  I love it!!!!  I know I gave all I had, and I can never be upset when I do that. 

I left the gym for the grocery store so I could get something good to eat for dinner.  What else would we have, except Steven's favorite?  Mexican!  (A shame he can't enjoy it with us!)  As I am checking out, the young girl at the check out gave me commentary on all my food choices and finally asked, "Are you on a diet!?"  (Derrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!)  I said, "No.  Just making wiser food choices.  I have lost 55 lbs since my husband left for his deployment in January."  (Pride in my voice and face....which immediately fell at the look over and stunned gasp the girl gave me right before saying) "HOW BIG WERE YOU????"

Ouch!  That one stung.  I was too stunned to do anything besides pay and leave with my tail between my legs.  The more I thought about it the more I knew what she meant.  "You're big NOW, how big could you have been 55 lbs ago?!"  As I reflect this evening on my food choices and exercising over the past several months, I think back to my wedding day.  Yes, big mouth girl made me think of my wedding day. 

Right before I got married I had become very complacent in my diet and exercise.  Slowly I began to gain.  I didn't notice it at first, but when I realized I was pregnant, it was too late.  I had already become a "chubalub".  Once I had Alex, I just got bigger and bigger until...well, I was 5'2 and 278 lbs!  Something had to be done!  THIS is why I am so determined to accomplish this goal! 

This girl saw in me what I see in my reflection daily.  Though I HAVE done an amazing job and lost so much weight, (Insert back pat here) I have a LONG way to go.  If you do the math you will see that I am now 5'2 (which is honestly a generous height) and 225 lbs.  This is still very large for a person of my stature! 

Today is a good day for reflection.  Reflecting on the commitment I made to a wonderful man 8 years ago.  Reflecting on how far I have come in this journal, but remembering how easy it is to become complacent and lazy in my journey.  NO MORE!  Thank God for a rude girl speaking her mind.  It woke up the inner skinny girl ready to push her way out!

Monday, August 22, 2011

If you're going through Hell, keep going!

I have been thinking today.  I know I know I know!  Dangerous, right?  So yeah, thinking.  I came to the conclusion that I have GOT to just make up my mind and push past pain and fatigue to do what needs to be done.  I wake up exhausted.  I feel like if I don't nap in the day I will never make it.  However, I'm learning that the harder I push myself, the more I desire to reach my goals. 

This may seem like a "DUH!" kind of moment to most of you.  For me, it seemed that no matter how determined I was, I was NOT seeing a difference in anything!  No difference in my appearance, no difference in my performance, no difference on the scales.  The beauty of a blog, however, is that you can go back and look at your progress!

I read that I could barely swim 25 yards the first day I tried it.  I read all the pounds lost.  I read the frustration, excitement, concern.  Today I can look at pictures and see glimpses of inches lost.  (Though I do wish it was somewhere besides my face) The main difference is how I feel!  Though I am extremely tired a lot of the time, I feel so much better than I have in such a long time!

Look at all of the things I am able to do now that I was not able to do 6-7 months ago!  Today I can swim 3000 yards in a little over the time it took me to do 1500!  Today I can jog....period.  I could barely walk a mile when I first started!  I was able to climb 5 million stairs for the zipline, raft, play, and on and on and on.  I am proud of myself! 

Every new milestone, I have a renewed sense of accomplishment.  It makes me want to push that much further and try that much harder.  In October I have 2 HUGE events.  First, I will be jogging the 5K Race For The cure!  I can't wait.  I WILL finish!  Second, I am going to swim my first swim meet in over 16 years!!!!  It's terrifying and thrilling all at once! 

So as these HUGE goals loom before, I'm focused and determined.  NOTHING will stand in my way! 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

What a difference a day makes!

OK, I admit.  I got the summer lazies and didn't post much.  Partly because there really wasn't much to post, and partly because I wasn't seeing ANY results!  However, two things happened today to renew my desire to push forward!  "What are they?"  you ask.  Well, THAT is what this blog is all about!

First, I had a great swim!  Though not one of my longer distances, I pushed myself very hard.  It was one of those "leave it all in the pool" kinda swims.  I don't do that often when the Swim Nazi is not there to push me. (Nothing but Love for you, Denise!)  But today I just felt the need to kill it.  So I did. 

As I stretched, I realized something.  It took me the same amount of time to do 2400 yards today as it did to do 1200 yards the first day I got in the pool in January!!!  I did TWICE the distance in the same amount of time.  THIS, my dear friends, is PROGRESS!!!!  And for that, I pat myself on the back! 

The second thing that happened is not nearly as exciting for me, but still pretty amazing!  So, Steven came home for his R&R, and I GAINED 8 HUGE lbs!  Once he returned, school was out, and life got unorganized.  I don't do well with "unorganization" (is this even a word?!), though I am NOT an organized person by any stretch of the word!  So my routine went out the window.  And though I was working my butt off, I was not watching my food.  Add in a few vacations and you get yoyo weight!

I never gained too much, but I couldn't lose for anything!  I am PLEASED to tell you that when I weighed this morning, I have lost 3 lbs this week!  (That puts me 1lb over the weight I was when Steven got home....)  WOO HOO!!!!!  With school in, and many things to do before school gets out, including squeezing in a good workout, it's so much easier for me to stick to the plan.  So my hardwork, and non-splurging ways have paid off this week!  And thank God!  I was about ready to give up!

What now?  Well, NOW I really do refocus and push myself to do what needs to be done.  Realistically, I will not lose 70 lbs before Steven comes home, but another 50 is completely doable!  That would make my weight loss just over 100 lbs since January!  Keep the encouragement coming, and let's get the next 50 off!!!!

Sunday, August 7, 2011


So I went on a super fun vacation with one of my dearest friends, who is also a part of my husband's family.  I am reflecting today on motivation and progress.  I had a moment in the middle of our vacation where I realized how out of shape I was 6 months ago.  I didn't realize, and still don't fully comprehend, how poorly I had cared for myself! 

As I was paddling while we rafted I kept thinking, "I feel STRONG!  I could do this all day!"  I never fatigued.  I couldn't believe it!  As we climbed the 500,000,000 steps (or at least that is how it felt) on the towers to the different zip lines, I never had to stop and rest.  I made it to the top each time!  AND I did not hold anyone else back....no one waited on me to hurry up!  As a matter of fact the only time anyone had to wait for me was when I was taking pictures, and then I easily caught up with the rest of the group.

I use to break a sweat just standing.  I would get tired just standing around!  While I did sweat a lot this weekend, it was more due to the fact that the heat index was close to 115 most of the time, and less to do with high blood pressure and my lack of fitness.  How freeing for me to not only participate, but ENJOY such an active vacation!

I'm terribly frustrated looking at my pictures.  I wish the outside matched how I FEEL inside.  I FEEL like a new person!  I FEEL light and healthier than I have felt in YEARS....  I guess the outside will come with time.  Such a roller coaster this weight loss journey!  However, for today, I celebrate the accomplishment of all the things I was able to do, that I KNOW I could not have when I started this journey!  Small victories!