Friday, January 28, 2011

A journey Begins with Just One Step....

So, I sit and listen to my 5 year old gently snore beside me and realize that I might have actually ruined him!  No, no, no....  Hear me out.  You see I am afraid....of EVERYTHING!  I must count my steps lest I fall.  I must kiss dad good bye one certain way, because if I don't something terrible might happen.  The napkins have to face that way, the dishes must be done another way, I have to sweep in this direction....  On the way home my child says, "I never want to leave you!  I love this house and how things are.  I want to stay!" 

Horror of all horrors!  Stay?!  In THIS house?  That does NOT belong to US?!  Are you kidding me!?  And then it hit me.  I am so afraid of changing things that I have transferred this fear to my child.  No wonder he can not accept his daddy's deployment.  No wonder he HAS to clean his fork before he moves on to the next food.  I have ruined my child and passed on every fear I have. 

So begins the journey to a new US.  I say us, because I hope that my changes will in turn change him.  I will no longer be afraid of death!  I will no longer be afraid of change....  So easy to say today, but when it comes to it, I might falter....a lot.  However I am determined to raise a well rounded child!  This means mom must not act like an obsessive compulsive moron! 

So wish me luck as we venture into the deployed family unknown and try new things.  This journey will begin with ONE step....And I will not count it!